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Media Now Claims Shooter Was Factually Arab, But Morally White


BOULDER, CO—After 24 hours lamenting the scourge of white supremacy in America, new particulars revealed that an evil mass shooter was Arab. The media was in a position to retain their narrative, nonetheless, when additional particulars emerged that regardless of being Arab, the shooter was morally white.

“The mass shooter was morally white,” stated one CNN anchor. “This clearly shows that white supremacy is still the enemy here. Whiteness is a flexible thing that can mean whatever soulless political opportunists like us want it to mean, whenever we need it to! Did I say that out loud? Wait– um, er, I mean… wow, such a tragedy.”

The media is assured that even when the white supremacy narrative backfires, they are going to nonetheless be capable to exploit an unspeakable human tragedy to roll out their customary gun-control narrative.

“Yeah, either way, we’ll get some good political mileage out of this,” stated one other media determine, who’s factually human, however morally a pale, carp-like fish that lives within the murky depths of a polluted river. “That’s what bottom feeders, er– I mean courageous journalists like us do best!”


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